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Sunday, April 25, 2021

The Cocoon and the Butterfly


There are times, motherhood can be tough. Countless of sleepless nights, tantrums we need to deal with, separation anxiety of kids, health concerns, and loads of chores. We love our kids so dearly, but there are times, we feel all wrapped up in a cocoon. And we feel exhausted, unappreciated, stressed, anxious, helpless and fearful for so many things.

I remember when my second son, who was only 3 months old then, had a seizure and he was confined for 10 days. He underwent some lab tests, cranial ultrasound and also lumbar puncture. Seeing his frail body and hearing his cries left me so helpless. It was one of the darkest times I had as a mother. It was my cocoon.

The results came out and thankfully, he was negative for infection. We were sent home and  I remembered that for weeks, I would wake up at night or early morning and just stare at him for hours and put my hand on his chest just to make sure he was breathing. 
 
With the support of my family and close friends, I managed to make it through. With prayers, my fear and anxiety gradually decreased. Now he is eight years old, quite healthy, energetic and naughty at times. He never had a seizure again. Although we still made some trips to the hospital, I was not that anxious or scared anymore. 
 
Remember, being in a cocoon is not forever. It is just a phase. Do not ever lose hope and faith. One day, the Master will take you out from that cocoon and you will emerge as a more beautiful and stronger butterfly.


 

 

Sunday, April 18, 2021

4 Ways on How to Strengthen Kids' Resilience


 

Life is full of ups and downs and we experience rejection, failure, tragedy, conflict, problems, and other challenges. At some point in our lives, we confront various problems - from personal problems to family problems, financial crisis to work conflicts, from health problem to emotional distress. 
 
The downs in life are inevitable and even our kids can never do away with this. Just like riding in a roller-coaster, it is not just all ups and sooner or later our kids will have a taste of the downs, too. 
 
It is impossible to stop the roller-coaster from going down. In the same way, it is also impossible to stop our kids from stumbling and from falling in life. That is why it is very important to strengthen our kid's resilience and prepare them when the tough times come.

Resilience

What is resilience?

According to the American Psychological Association (2012), RESILIENCE is defined “as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress—such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. As much as resilience involves bouncing back from these difficult experiences, it can also involve profound personal growth.” (https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience)

Parents’ Role in Strengthening Self-Resilience

As cited in the book, Child Psychology and Psychiatry: Frameworks for Practice 2nd Edition, Professor Barbara Maughan PHD, Professor of Developmental Epidemiology at the Social, Genetic and Developmental Psychiatry Centre, Institute of Psychiatry of King’s College London, stated that, “Families are biologically and culturally evolved to promote children’s development. Family relationships and parenting show ongoing links with the development of children’s behavioral control, and with the regulation of their attention, arousal and emotional systems throughout childhood.  In addition, parents contribute to children’s cognitive development; socialize them into culturally appropriate patterns of behavior; promote their understanding of moral values and the development of their talents; and select and secure their access to key resources beyond the family system.” (Kuse, et al, 2011)

Here, Maughan has emphasized the significance of family relationships and parenting.  Indeed, parents play a very critical role in child’s development. Parents need to help strengthen a child’s way of coping up with these problems and stressors. Parents also need to teach and show children on how to bounce back from these tough experiences.

Even at a young age, we need to teach and show them how to be resilient. Here are some simple ways on how to strengthen a kid's resilience.

4 Ways on How to Strengthen Kids' Resilience

  • Confidence - Help build  the kids' confidence.
  • Communication – Help kids communicate their feelings and thoughts.
  • Connection - Help kids build strong relationships.
  • Self- Care - Help kids find ways to relax and take care of self.

 ·      Confidence - Help build the kids' confidence.

Confidence grows in a home that has affection, acceptance and appreciation.

 
Research studies have shown the strong link between parental affection and health & well-being. The warmth of parents’ hugs, kisses, and verbal affection result to life-long positive outcome in our children’s lives.

Even if their interests, preference or opinions may differ from us, we need to show respect and acceptance. When kids feel they are accepted, their confidence also grows bigger.

For a task accomplished or for homework finished, let’s acknowledge and appreciate our kids’ effort. Reward does not need to be in material form. By saying phrases like: “Wow! You did it!” or “Good job!” can be quite rewarding for kids and can boost their confidence.

 
To build our kid’s confidence, we also need to introduce positive thinking. Let’s teach positive affirmation and let them say these affirmations out loud. By doing so, we are helping them condition their minds to be who they want to be and to do what they want to do. Here are examples of simple sentences yet powerful positive affirmation.

 “I am good!”

“I am beautiful!”

“I am healthy!”

“I can do it!”

     Communication – Help kids communicate their feelings and thoughts.

Always remember, communication is very important in building resilience. Helping our kids communicate their feelings and thoughts to us will also help build a bridge between us. 

Aside from teaching them to communicate “positive feelings,” we also need to teach them to communicate “negative feelings.” Whether they feel happy or upset, accomplished or frustrated, they know that we are there to listen.

An open communication will also help them process their own thoughts and feelings and at the same time this will help them manage these emotions. 

         Connection - Help kids build strong relationships.

No man is an island. As the saying goes, relationships are very important in life. Our kids cannot live alone. They need others to survive.

Also, our kids will understand more of themselves through relationships. In relationships, our kids will learn trust, develop their communication and social skills, and enhance their emotional expression.   

We need to help our kids build strong and responsive relationships with others like their cousins, friends, playmates, teachers, etc. By doing so, we are also helping them build a strong emotional network and when time comes and they experience some problems in life, they will receive more emotional support.

 
Self- Care - Help kids find ways to relax and take care of self.

Kids also need to be taught on how to properly take care of themselves both physically and mentally. When our kids lose in a game or when they fail in a school test, we need to let them know that they can do something to make themselves better. 

 
We can help them find ways how to relax their bodies and minds. Self-care could simply eating ice cream, painting, listening to music, playing piano or a walk in the park. By letting them do these activities, they give themselves a chance to pause, relax and bounce back.

Again, these are the 4 ways on how to strengthen kids' resilience. 

  

 


When I look at trees, it really amazes me to see them stand the blizzard and the storm. They are tall, strong and flexible. Remember, these trees began as seeds.

Our children are like seeds. We need to let them get lots of sunshine and guidance, water them with attention and affection, fertilize them with discipline, and nourish them with lots love!! 

When the rain and storm come, that they may face, they will stand tall, strong and resilient like the trees!

 

Here are some wonderful additional references about positive affirmation and self-care just CLICK this!

 
 





Thursday, April 15, 2021

Our Rainbow Story

Image source: www.pngitem.com

https://www.pngitem.com/middle/iwbwTwR_rainbow-cloud-clip-art-rainbow-with-sun-and/


Today, I want to share our rainbow story. 

The year 2020 was definitely a NEW year. It brought so many NEWs to our family mainly because of the pandemic. I was still working back then and I remember because of the pandemic,  lock-downs were common and I had to work from home. My kids also had to study at home. This was our NEW.

For that year, we had to let go a lot of things - going to school, mall trips, play date with cousins, eating out, visit to grandma's place, mornings in the playground, Sunday school at church, afternoon walk, and all other outdoor activities.

It was not easy. After pandemic was declared, my kids were confined to the house and lost the privilege of going out. I was the only one going out for work or buy our necessities. Every time I step out, my heart would skip and the fear of being sick would take a hold on me. We were not prepared but we had to accept the 'new normal.' As a parent, I felt frustrated, angry, confused and scared all at the same time. 

I remember one lazy rainy afternoon in August, while sitting on the couch and we were watching a re-run on the cable tv,  my son who was only 7 at that time, asked out of the blue, "Mama what is a riddle?"

After some thought, I gave him an easy definition and hoped he would go back to watching his cartoons and leave me with my thoughts of what I would be cooking for dinner that night. 

But of course, the definition was not the end of it. His eyes grew wide and cheerfully chanted "Riddle! Riddle! Riddle!" How could I say no to that?

I smiled and gave him the first riddle that came to my mind, "What goes up when the rain comes down?"

He pondered for a while and blurted out "Puddle?"

I laughed and patiently repeated the riddle, "What goes UP (pointed upward) when the rain comes DOWN (pointed outside as it was still raining cats and dogs outside).

He looked outside and his eyes grew wide "Rainbow! Rainbow!"

I was about to correct him and tell him it was umbrella but seeing his smile, I gently said, "Yes...you are right it is a rainbow."

Maybe, he's right. Rainbow would have been a better answer than umbrella.

I looked outside quietly as the rain continued to pour down. A child's faith is truly a wonder. Even during a dark, rainy day..a child believes the rain will soon end and the rainbow will appear.

Since last year, days have been dark and rainy for all us. Some workers lost their jobs. Some students lost their chance to study. Others lost loved ones. So many got stranded. Many got sick, tired, frustrated, confused, lonely and sad. So many are still struggling and many more are fighting their own battles every single day.

For more than a year now since pandemic was declared, the world has been in the dark and the rain seems to be unending.

But I've realized one thing. It will not rain forever. Soon, the skies will clear and things will be better, our world will be healed. 

Never let go of His hand. Have faith. This is God's promise.

"The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep my promise forever." (Genesis 9:12-13)

Remember, this, too shall pass. For now, let us help lift each other up. Let us pray for one another. Together, let us hold on to God's promise 🌈

Friday, April 9, 2021

3 Healthy Ways on How Kids Can Deal with Stress

As our children grow older, they will expand their worlds and with this, they will surely face more challenges and need to solve bigger and more complex problems every single day. Also, they will confront academic and peer pressure, experience rejections and failures.  

We also realize the fact that it is quite impossible to create a pain-free or stress-free world for our children so the adage ‘prevention is better than cure’ encapsulates an appealing concept for us, in which our kids can still avoid bad happenings.

This is why we need to help our kids adapt healthy habits which could help them deal with stress effectively. Here are 3 Healthy Ways on How Kids Can Deal with Stress:  

1. Build a healthy lifestyle.

          

Here in the stress cycle, we could deduce that when there is reduced optimum health or weaker immune system, children have increased sensitivity to stress.

It is quite important that our children realize the benefits of healthy lifestyle for them, whether they are toddlers, gradeschoolers or teenagers. 

Healthy lifestyle includes eating healthy food, getting sufficient sleep and rest, doing exercise regularly and avoiding bad vices (smoking, drinking, drugs). 

Stress is inevetiable but with a healthier and stronger body, they can manage stress better.  

What we give our kids for their regular meals or snacks is essential for them to have a healthy body and mind. 

Need ideas on healthy food and snacks? Here are more links which could help us prepare healthier food and snacks for our children:

-        https://www.superhealthykids.com/recipes/top-10-immune-system-boosting-foods-kids-ideas-recipes/

-      https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/immune-system#1

If you are looking for easy and interesting indoor exercises or activities, here are some:

-        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3Xrtm0IVnY

-      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DO-R5EfG_N4

 

2. Apply positive coping skills.

Kids have different ways on how to show or say when they feel stressed. 

Some kids would say, “I am scared.”  “I feel upset.”  “I am sad.” or “Something is not right.”  

Others cannot verbalize and say “I am stressed.” They just keep quiet, walk away, or sulk in the room. 

For some kids, when they face their stressor, they cry, shout, become aggressive or throw tantrums. 

Yes, in coping up with stress we need to let our kids communicate to us how they feel and we need to acknowledge those feelings

While it is important that we let our kids express their sadness or anger when they are stressed, we also need to help them adapt positive coping skills.

Here are 12 positive coping skills we can teach our kids:

    • Take breathing exercise.
    • Drink water.
    • Do physical exercise or activity (sports, zumba, free llaying, yoga) 
    • Use objects such as Stress Ball, Slime, Magic Sand, or any toy that can help relax.
    • Hug a stuffed toy or favorite pillow.
    • Use art. (drawing/ painting/coloring) 
    • Use music. (listening to music, playing musical instruments, singing)
    • Watch favorite movie or video.  
    • Write a journal.
    • Talk to someone (parents, friends or someone your kids trust).
    • Think happy thoughts (favorite holiday, a memorable trip, or favorite place). 
    • Make Positive Self-Talk (“I can do it.” “This situation is only temporary.” "I will overcome this problem.")

Here is a sample of Coping Skill Wheel with positive coping strategies.

 

 

3. Develop a stress relief kit.

The way our kids respond or react to stress makes a whole lot of difference to their health and well-being. 

Sad as it may be, we cannot always be there for them to help them when they  encounter a problem, embarassing situation or face a certain stressor. 

We cannot be there 24/7 to help them or shield them or protect them.  So what do we do -- we need to prepare them. 

We need to help them come up with something that could help them manage their stress on their own. 

One of this ways is by encouraging to them develop their very own stress relief kit.

What is a stress relief tool kit? When our child stumbles and gets a cut on his knee, what do we get? Yes, the first aid kit. The first-aid kit contains supplies that could help us prevent the wound to get worse. And just like the first-aid kit, a stress relief kit is easy to carry and could give us emotional or mental relief wherever we are.

Remember some kids do not fully understand what stress is so in helping them develop a stress relief kit, you may ask these simple guide questions: 

o  “When you feel sad what do you usually do?”

o  “When you feel upset, what do you think can help you feel better?”

o  “When you are scared of something and Mommy is not there with you, what do you do?”


On a piece of paper,  you can let them write or draw 6 things or activities inside the boxes using the guide questions. 

Remember the positive coping skills we talked about earlier? You can encourage your kids to write these activities inside their very own Stress Relief Kit.

For other parents they let their kids put in “stress relief things” inside a box literally for their kids to use any time they feel bad or stressed. Some parents call it “calm down box” or “happy box.”

Image source: https://tr.pinterest.com/pin/343610646570008271/

 

The mental health of our kids matter! 

It is important that we encourage our kids to use these healthy ways in dealing with stress.

And whatever method our kids choose to use, always remember to guide them and support them so that they will gain the confidence to face these problems and make decisions for themselves.

We also need to help them find and build their own strengths which could help them navigate through a crisis.